This issue of Musea is all about "Tommy". Who is Tommy and what is he like? A good writer doesn't describe his character, he reveals - he reveals through action. And Tommy is all about action. For instance: Today his 'list to do' starts out with 'Don't Tease Bees'. The T-shirt he's wearing salutes his favorite college, "Salt Nickel". When he's working he often sings this bit of melody from the Sound of Music, "The Hills are alive ... and that's very scary." When asked on his income tax forms his occupation, he writes 'Jury Duty' $18 annual. Once when he was terrified in a crowd he yelled out 'It's Armageddon or worse!" He claims he has an IQ of 140 - "I took the test twice'. His favorite saying when he's mad is, "What a bunch of nerve!' and when asked by an interviewer, 'Now before we begin, what's your full name?' he replied, "Tommy Tom-Tom Thomas."
Interviewer: Is that abbreviated?
Tommy: Yes a couple of times.
So this issue is dedicated to Tommy's Shorts or short films starring that fictional, one and only Tommy. Enjoy.
And remember what he says,
"Comedy is nothing to laugh at!
1. Time to go to Work: Tommy is sound asleep with a wall of alarm clocks - from wee to huge - lined up on a sideboard. The first rings but he doesn't stir. The 2nd - same thing. It takes the largest to actually vibrate him out of bed and wake him up.
Second scene. The camera enters a clock shop with row after row of used clocks and watches for sale. As the noon hour hits and the clocks start to ring, we see Tommy sound asleep behind the counter. The camera pans down to a sign on the counter by a bell, 'Ring for Service'
2. Tommy Sweeps Up: Janitor Tommy
has 3 episodes at the entertainment complex where he works.
1. Battleaxe wife asks why husband is ogling pretty girl. Tommy and bystander are looking her over too. Wife: "What's she got that I haven't got?...Well?". Then all 3 guys say in unison, "Were still counting!".
2. Perusing customer leaves trail of popcorn like Hansel and Gretel, that Tommy has to sweep up. All that's left is wrapping but customer is lost in thought and won't toss it. After waiting too long Tommy grabs wrapper out of his hand, violently throws it on the ground, sweeps it up and glares at the guy.
3. Tommy is in love with the Mexican movie star on the poster. She comes out of a screening and Tommy professes his love. She responds politely in Spanish. He looks bewildered. Last scene he's reading a book, How to Build your vocabulary
3. Shell Shocked Tommy: or "I Like the Cut of your Jib" Scene, army weapons depot. Enter Senator, wife, their mean kid listening to radio on headphones and General who says, "Senator I've brought you here to prove to you that these former war vets were NOT exposed to any kind of mind warping, zombie making, Pavlovian mouth drooling, shell shocking, chemical weapons. As you see we would never allow unstable vets to move weapons of mass destruction like these."
General and Senator go off, Mom lingers to tell kid to turn off radio. She pulls out headphones in the struggle, and a loud TANGO comes on. Both see that this triggers a zombie like movement in serviceman/vet Tommy. He begins to mindlessly tango. When music stops, Tommy stops. Kid sees effect and begins to run Tommy like a remote control toy as Mom chases kid to stop him. Tommy mindlessly tangos in and out of 3 rooms with each more dangerous than the last: first the FLARE room, we see sparks flying, - then the MACHINE GUN & GRANADE room where we hear the rat-a-tats and explosions that shut off the lights, and finally with a stick of dynamite in his mouth like a cigar - he enters the PLUTONIUM room, and comes out glowing green. Lights come back on as Senator and General return to see everything in chaos except calm Tommy who has woken up and knows nothing about what went on. General says to Tommy, "I like the cut of your jib mister. You come work with me on the bio weapons project."
4. Tom and Danny Tip: Famous singer Tommy and his drummer Danny go to pick up their newly shined shoes at hotel. Danny doesn't tip high, and Tom chides him about it. Then Danny teases Tom about his low tip. They begin a bidding war, and the tips grow while each calls the other cheap and miserly, before he ups the ante. Hundreds of dollars later they begin to leave the shoeshine guy. Porter comes up with news that luggage is loaded and holds out hand for tip. Both Tom and Danny say "Get it from him, he's got all the money," and they walk away. Porter mumbles 'Cheapskates". Both turn as if he'd said "Niagara Falls" in the vaudeville skit and walk back, "I'll show you who's cheap." And they start all over again with another tip war. Danny even offers his newly shined shoes as part of his tip!
5. Pop's Soda, My Favorite: Tommy walks by Pop Soda machine. "My favorite!" Puts in change - clunk! No soda. Many attempts more and nothing. Gets rough and security guard investigates. Tommy mutters, "ah go arrest a real cop." Finally, after guard leaves, he verbally threatens 'evil' machine. "If you don't give me my soda I'll take you apart bolt by bolt. YOU HEAR ME! You bucket of nerve!" Machine starts physically shaking!
One can falls to slot. Tommy opens it and because the machine shook it up the can of soda is all foam and blows up in Tommy's face. He's covered with soda. Then machine, having gotten its revenge, begins laughing in its mechanical way!
6. I Dream of Genie: (In the light green bottle). Tommy has a glaring spot on his apartment shelf that needs something. "Just the place for an antique bottle", he thinks. He goes to Antique mall and while looking under a Persian carpet, in an old wood box with a secret compartment he finds the glass he envisioned in his mind. Price tag = $2. Perfect except for one smudge. When he rubs it off, the bottle opens and a 20' tall Genie appears. Tommy is granted 3 wishes that he quickly uses up in questions about the wishes! Genie says "And that's three," and then vanishes. Tommy sees his error. He's left with nothing but an empty bottle and begins to sob at the lost opportunity. A crowd gathers including the mall owner. To cheer him up the manager says, "Here keep this brown bottle that you like. No charge at all." Now Tommy begins sobbing even more much to the amazement of all.
7. Lifeguard Tommy: Old lifeguard
Tommy has dialogue with off camera young wiseacre. After each
exchange, a bucket of splash covers Tommy on his life guard stand
and 2 frisbees fly, one on either side of his head. Examples:
Kid: How many years of training does it take to be a lifeguard
... a 100?
Tommy: Yeah...well...Why don't you play submarine for an hour.
Kid: Hey I'm just a kid.
Tommy: And Moby Dick was just a fish!
8. Rocky Road: Highrise window washer Tommy sees psychiatrist leave with secretary for lunch (and nooner?), and goes through window to look around. Couple comes in and mistake him for the noted marriage counselor with eccentric methods. She talks incessantly. Tommy can't get a word in edgewise, has had enough, and leaps across desk and begins choking her. He's pulled off by husband. She starts again. Tommy attacks her twice more. The couple interpret this as counseling and walk out hand in hand with new resolve to get along. Real Doc comes back and couple, thinking him the next patient, praise Tommy's not-saying-a-word methods.
9. A License to Fill: Tommy works behind the glass at the customer service window at the Super Mart. He is a master of punching, folding, computering, stapling, multiplying, licensing, check cashing, copying, faxing, and any other process that holds up the growing line with red tape! Example. Customer #2 I'd like a library card. Tommy: Fiction or nonfiction. The waiting customers in line, groan!
10. Roofers: (Top of the World Ma) Tommy and fellow roofers are shingling. It's twilight. Stars peak out. Some begin to fall in a meteor shower. One lands On Tommy's nose and makes a 'ping'. He's intrigued. He uses his hammer to bat another. It pings too. A few more and he gets the idea. He begins playing a melody with each star a note. Left hand hammer plays base notes as he dances periously up and down the slanting roof to get to the falling stars. Another roofer joins in. They finish song and hear foreman yell from below, "That's all for today." As the two get down from the roof, a few more stars/notes strike to end the poetic scene.
11. My Last Name is Not Banana: Corporate Tommy uses psych games in interviewing job applicants for conglomerate. (For script see Musea #116, Dec. 02)
12. Tommy Makes a Hair Appointment: Tommy from his apartment, calls up a salon for a hair appointment. "I'd like Kim to cut my hair again." "We have 2 Kim's. Which one?" This leads to confusion as they try to figure out which Kim he wants. Both worked during last haircut, both look alike and both did a haircut for Tommy Hendricks 2 months ago! Finally they narrow it down by the addresses. But even there both Tommy H's live at 4000 Hawthorne. As Tommy rants and raves over the weird coincidences, his voice rises. His neighbor's girlfriend yells through the wall, "Hey keep it down over there. My Tommy's trying to sleep!" Then Tommy asks salon girl, "What apartment number?" One is #3 his neighbor, and the other is his apartment #5. Tommy figures out the mystery - 2 TH's 1 apartment apart. He makes an appointment with the right Kim. Then goes to wall and bangs it back and says, "Hey Tommy Hendricks, I know where you live and I know where you get your haircut, and I know your sleeping with Kim on the side!" who he describes to a 't'! "So shut up - back at you!" Tommy checks off to do list item 'annoy neighbor' as girlfriend on the other side of the wall interrogates the other Tommy about 'this Kim person'. As they fight Tommy chuckles!
13. Boffo Tommy: Tommy is waiting to go through the velvet curtain. "I can't do this boss." Manager gives him a pep talk. We think he's got stage fright. He accepts the inevitable, and pulls back the curtain. We see he's in a theater box office with a horde of customers wanting a ticket on the other side of the glass. Every customer is a nut and Tommy is worse. Sign on the window as the selling begins, "You only have to deal with one of me. I have to deal with all of you!" And from there it just gets crazier.
14. Jury Duty: Tommy has jury duty but on the day he's scheduled, he finds his bike stolen and can't get there. He reschedules. Later at jury duty he's chosen for a trial of a thief who is accused of stealing an 8 year old's bike. Facts of trial show Tommy that this guy stole HIS bike too which is part of the evidence. Tommy is now activated. He pulls out some buttons from his pocket. "No doubt benefits", "Hang em High", "He wouldn't be here if he wasn't guilty". When little girl takes stand, she wins over crowd. Then defense attorney tears her story apart which drives Tommy up the wall. In jury room all are for crook except Tommy. He wants to see exhibits specially 'b' (his bike). He takes it and drives out the window. Twelve jurors go back in courtroom and declare the defendant innocent. He's freed. His attorney thanks them personally and says, "He's been convicted of 199 burglaries before. One more conviction and he might face prison! After jurors leave we see that one of the 12 is a dummy they've used to replace the missing Tommy. Nobody in court noticed. Next scene Tommy is biking back home and merrily whistling. Behind him the kid, back on her bike that he also stole , is whistling too! They both ring their bells and smile!
15. The Nut: Tommy is a part of a pit crew. He's changing tire. One nut rolls away. Slows up everything, but where is it? He walks around searching and we hear rattle. More walking more rattle. Others pick him up and shake him - he rattles. Nut is found in hat. He drops it again and this time it rolls out onto the track where cars are speeding by. "Somebody ought to go and get that," says Tommy. He is told to go but balks from the danger. Then cars come off corner and hit nut and crash. Others pile up behind it. Out of the collisions a nut rolls to Tommy's feet. Tommy picks up nut and fixes tire. Next scene Tommy is holding cup, kissing the girl, and is being raised on the shoulders of the crowd, while driver pouts next to him.
16. Tommy Visits a Sick Friend: On Tommy's to-do list the first item says, 'Visit Philip in hospital and say you're sorry." Next scene in hospital room, Tommy waits while patient sleeps. He eats up all the candy he brought, causes allergy reactions from his cheap flowers, plays with the instrument buttons which call the nurse and regulate the drugs, treats heart monitor as TV, etc. At end nurse #1 declares, "He's gone from bad to worse." Nurse #2 asks, "Patient?" "No the visitor!"
17. Club Tommy: (Too Trendy Tommy) Tommy is outside THE Club with a clipboard. Long line in front of him. He determines who is trendy enough to get into club by their appearance. He tastefully addresses each applicant, "Is that a sew-by-number number?" or "You with the dweeb convention?" or "Oh that retro look huh? 70's chic! Wow! Now all you need is a time machine to make it look hip!" or "Maybe somebody will beam you up, but not me space cadet!" Smoke begins to billow from club as patrons run out. Line panics and scatters. Fireman roll up in trucks. Tommy stops them from entering with, "What's this the Morton Salt Girl Look? Uh-uh boys not tonight." As an aside the manager is talking to a cop and says pointing to Tommy, "Naw, I don't know who he is. He doesn't work for me."
18. Pledge Drive Tommy: (Trying to Raise his Station in life). Sedate Tommy is helping his company man the phones at PBS station pledge drive. First call. He gives his mandatory speech. Caller, "I'd like to donate but my worthless ex stole all my money." Tommy responds, "Maureen, don't call me here." She keeps calling back. Finally Tommy answers the phone with insult - this time it's not his X but the chief donor, Mrs. Bigmoney, whose call the pledge spokesman is waiting for! The dowager is horrified and hangs up. Next time X again, and Tommy goes ballistic, forgets where he is, and begins shouting about this stupid job for a stupid station, because his stupid boss made him do it - "What a complete waste of time". Camera picks it all up and room hushes into silence. He figures out what's happened, regains his composure and says, "$5 pledge Ron!" Then gives a feeble thumbs up as we hear phone ex laughing: "Hahahahaha!"
19. Tommy Sings an Aria: (Grand Piano and not so grand Singer). Tommy in tux tries to sing aria from Opera "Pretend Shus-Sweenie" but knuckleheaded accompanist always gets in the way. After numerous mis-starts, Tommy ends up strangling the piano player who while struggling to get air he bangs piano and screams. The audience think its the new style and the 2 play to the applause, take their bows (as if it was planned) and walk off stage. Tommy never does sing.
20. Lie Detector Tommy: (The Old Switcheroo). Good cop and bad cop in police station are grilling Tommy. He is wired to the "Ultra New 3000 Lie Detector" with a metal colander helmet with wires attached. When he lies, bell and light go off. What Tommy and good cop don't know, is that the machine is a fake. And the bad cop pushes on a foot pedal anytime he wants the buzzer to go off. They begin questioning. Tommy says he knows nothing about nothing. But lie detector says he's telling all lies. Tommy in frustration starts scuffling as he tries to get out of helmet. In the scuffle the helmet gets on bad cops head and Tommy accidentally presses the foot switch. Tommy gets the picture fast and starts asking tough questions, "Did you plant those drugs on those homeless people?" "No" BEEP. Are you cheating on your wife with officer Kolwalski?""No" BEEP."Would you plant evidence on your partner and never look back?" "No never" BEEP. Other cop says, "Chief say it isn't so." More struggle. Other cops rush in and Tommy says, "Book um boys!"
21. Orchestral Tommy: Tommy enters an orchestra audition carrying a magic bag. In front of the entire orchestra, he auditions by challenging players to musical duels. They play a show off piece, then he pulls out of his bag the same instrument but an invisible version and competes and wins! He challenges the strings, brass, woodwinds, percussion, piano, even 2 or 3 violins at once. He lines them up and uses an extra long bow! (Might even sing!) Finally he pulls out a baton and conducts his bag for a finale that sounds like a complete symphony orchestra and ends with a triangle.
22. I Want to Live! : Scene a hospital. Dr. Is looking at an X-ray of patient where every bone is broken. Tommy is in full body cast from being run over by an Ice Cream Truck, and is totally depressed. First his Auntie tries to cheer him up. Nothing. Then a minister tries. He doesn't help either. Then 3 gorgeous stacked women walk in wearing evening gowns, get on the bed with Tommy, and make a big fuss over him. They think the bandages are covering their boyfriend. Voice off stage says "Girls. Hey its me, Brad. I'm over here. Across the hall!" They say "Oops" and leave. Tommy is stirred and finally yells out, "I want to live!"
23. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz: (Temporary Tommy). Tommy is sleeping at computer with hands resting on keyboard. As camera swings in on monitor we see what he's typing in his sleep, "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
24. Space Age Bachelor Pad Tommy: As Tommy gets ready for a romantic dinner in his apartment (with music by Esquivel on stereo) the camera follows him and tours his space age bachelor pad with its record collection - all cheesy albums, the scented candles that start the room deodorizer on fire, his choice for appetizer "Can o'Peas", etc.
25. Dolphin Tommy: Tommy at aquarium, visiting the dolphin tank. He reads a sign that says how smart they are. Tommy turns away from the pool and addresses a young couple walking by. "I don't think they're so smart....blah blah blah!" While he's haranguing and soapboxing with remarks like "If this dolphin was so smart he'd be able to jump in the air behind me. Or be able to..." After Tommy suggests an action, the dolphin does that very thing behind his back! Couple eggs him on to see more dolphin tricks by saying, "What else do you think he couldn't do?" At end dolphin starts surfacing with signs that show a 'screw + a ball', or one that has printed "Missing link - real gone!" And finally "Show's over folks, move along.". Couple go off amazed, dolphin begins laughing, but Tommy never does get what's going on - "Dumb creatures", he mutters.
26. The Flying Saucer: (Fare to Middlin'). In the middle of the day and out of the blue, comes a flying saucer. Crowd gathers for the first encounter with aliens. Slowly the hatch opens and... Tommy walks out, flexes jarred muscles, brushes off clothes (as if he's had a rough long ride) and begins to nonchalantly walk away. Little green man with antennae, follows and yells in Martian (subtitles give translation). "Hey, Hey!" He opens hand for fare. Tommy sheepishly, "Oh yeah, I thought I paid already. How much?" Martian, "33 slotpkiks." Tommy, "Yeah alright." He pays. Alien still has palm out curling his 3 fingers for a tip. Tommy in response, "It was a bumpy ride if you ask me!" Martian, "No one asked you!" Tommy puts a single coin in the aliens palm, then adds 3 more, then walks down ramp and into crowd. Martian cusses with signs of Saturn and other astrological signs as he shakes his skinny green arm. Then he gets into saucer and it races off. The whole thing was just a taxi ride!
27. Missing Person's Report: Distraught Tommy is at police station describing missing girl to sketch artist. He describes a real beauty and adds these corrections to artist, "Give her larger lips... and a bigger chest." Artist: "She's a real looker. Sort of like my niece." Sergeant: "If she's out there fellow, we'll find her for you." Tommy: "Thanks so much. I've been looking for my dream girl for 50 years and had no luck. I figured I'd ask the professionals to find her. I haven't even had a date in 2 years!" He takes artist sketch copy, "And now I have her pinup.... Oh and put down she doesn't have to speak English. Any language will do - one with a lot of 'yeses' would be fine. ... Call me!" Tommy exits whistling.
28. Tommy Versus China: (Crocked) Salesman rushes into the China department of the high end, Needles Markrup Department Store, out of breath, "Special customer... eccentric... rich rich rich... handle with 'kid' gloves ... boss says do anything to please... none other than the Thon-nasty Beauregard Phillips the 43rd, esquire, DDT" Uppity daughter in her 40's sweeps in followed by a curvy young nurse pushing in an old man in wheelchair with a blanket across his legs and an out-of-it look on his face. Daughter says, "The Prince, ala Pa-pas must have new-new for Chateau Le Thon-nasty. But alas, he's a bit finicky. Let's see what you've got." She searches the shelves for china she likes and puts it in his hands. Without even looking at it he tosses to the floor - crash! It doesn't phase her or the nurse in the least. Again and again he tosses very expensive china to the floor. On one she thinks is perfect, she hands him a 2nd sample of it and says, "Oh really Thon-nasty, don't be so quick to judge." He throws it on floor too. She insists on that pattern and says, "Oh Pa-pas you're not giving this one a chance." He throws the 3rd one on the floor. Fourth time, "Oh you're not even looking at it. Let's try again." Then he looks at it carefully and throws it on the floor. One time he shows a pattern to nurse, who looks it over and throws it on the floor. Finally daughter says, "Nothing here, I'm afraid. Young man, where is your Ming Vase Room?"
29. Sleepwalker Tommy: (A-Maze-ing) As Debussy's 'Claire de Lune' plays, we see sleepwalking Tommy going up elevator into a building under construction. With hands out like a zombie he walks a maze of girders 50 stories up, and never falters! Then he comes back down, crosses street, enters a building marked, "Psychiatric Testing Center, and into his bed. Doctors enter. Dr #1 I'm worried about this man, Heinrich. Look at him toss and turn. His REM percentage is too high. He's dreaming about his tests and he's worried. I know that look. He's got to compete again tomorrow." Balloon over sleeping Tommy shows diagram of experiment results with a maze, a picture of a Mouse, a picture of Tommy and a scoreboard, "Mouse 5, Tommy 2'.
30. Tommy On... : Tommy is being
interviewed. The interviewer asks a question and Tommy gives a
less than expected reply:
Q. Were you around then?
A. Well I wasn't square.
31. A-Tom-ic Comics: Comic book series telling the crazy adventures of Tommy. A tiny magic box accompanies him wherever he goes. It is his Muse. Once opened, anything can come out of it.
32. Rita Book: (I Fought the Law and Guess Who Came in 2nd). Tommy is fleeing a cop and ducks into Rita Book's Bookstore. He hides in the stacks as cops search outside. While waiting for coast to clear he picks up a pulp adventure book with a racy cover, to pass the time. The title grabs him, I Fought the Law and Guess Who Came in 2nd. Next scene, the book store is closed and dark. Back in the stacks Tommy is still reading. He's using his lighter to see. Lighter burns out. Just then patrolling cop is outside window and he's taking a break and reading SAME novel. Tommy reads over his shoulder and almost gets caught when he tries to get cop to turn the page! Finally Tom puts down book and seems moved by ending. He decides to give himself up. He goes up to cop and says, "Some book huh? I was reading it too. But, like the ending, I thought I might as well turn myself in and throw myself on the mercy of the court too." Tommy holds out hands for cuffs. Policeman puts cuffs on his left hand, and Tommy's right. But Tommy's right hand is a glove over a wrapped pipe. The policeman has cuffed himself to a water pipe that Tommy has disguised with his glove at the end! He steals cops handcuff key, flashlight, and book; and walks off reading. "Where was I? Oh yeah Chapter 5."
33. Tommy Meets Pandora's Box: Janitor Tommy is cleaning up office where executive is working late. Boss is yelling at Tommy, "And for the last time, don't touch these papers, this pencil, this eraser, these paper clips - nothing! I'm doing important stuff and you're not to mess with anything on this desk or you're fired. FY-YERD!... And don't even breathe on that computer." Executive throws somethings in his briefcase and storms out. Tommy stews at being chewed out, plucks up his rebellious self and blows on the computer, "Hah!" Immediately the computer comes on and messages start - each more alarming than the last and nothing Tommy does can stop it. Computer voice says, "Confirm password is correct." Tommy freezes. "No password is correct - please confirm ID as is ... Correct. Safety lock is not on. Switching to 2nd tier security - advance code files... now. You have started close down, war eminent. Shutting down all other computers." All the other office computers go dark. "Power reduced." Nightlights of city, out window go off. "Thousand page original novel - all copies - deleted; rare religious text from 10th century - destroyed as to not fall in hands of enemy; Missiles armed - override, overriden; Payroll of janitor staff - erased; elevators - locked down; count down to missile launch 10,9,7,4,1,1,...." A rumbling noise starts. Tommy is frantic and starts screaming. He runs out into hall to get help. There 5 or 6 guys from the office in suits are laughing so hard they're rolling on the ground. They have tricked Tommy by using a remote control to the computers. Sheepishly Tommy gets the practical joke and goes back to sweeping his broom. Boss image appears on monitor and says, "I told you not to touch the computer! Hahahahahahahah!"
34. A Line in the Sand: Tommy enters a desolate, sand only, flat, desert, with a bucket on his head as a helmet., binoculars around his neck, and a bulging notebook in his Bermuda shorts. He comes up to a straight line or indentation in the sand - the border between the two tiny countries, X-Stan and Y-Stan. He checks map, then takes out binoculars and surveys all around. Seeing nothing but a ragged sign a mile away saying "X-Stan' on the other side and another sign a mile in on his side reading, 'Y-Stan; he takes the bucket off his head, scoops up a bucket full of sand from X-Stan and adds it to his own Y-Stan. Then he gets out journal, salutes it, and writes, "Dear Supreme Leader - Invasion complete - Battle won - No casualties - Their land is ours!" He salutes notebook, puts it back in pocket, puts bucket back on head, and runs away whooping a victory yell. The camera watches until he's lost in the endless dunes!
35. Tommy finds a Dearie: As Tommy is walking in his wild goofy stride down the sidewalk from the left, a girl with almost the exact mannerisms is shuffling in from the right. In the middle they meet where a delivery man has left a huge picture frame on a cart. The two are so much alike they think they're looking at a mirror, not an empty frame. Both try tricks to break the illusion. Finally they kiss and that works its magic. Both sets of eyes light up. Tommy walks through the frame, takes his new Dearie by the hand, and they waltz off down the street.
36. A Coup DeTommy: (The King's Revolting). In this fable, Tommy ushers in a verbal coup d'etat that usurps the king and places Tommy on the throne. (For full script see Musea #106 "Open the Door" or "Coup Coup Ca Choo").
37. The Return of Tommy: After Xmas a long line has formed at the department store return/exchange window. Tommy has small opened box with loose Christmas wrapping all around it. When he gets to window he unwraps the gift while saying, "I want to return this. I got it as a gift for Christmas, but it doesn't work!" He pulls out a SPOON and lays it down. As crowd figures out what is going on, clerk is ringing emergency help button. Then all the line spontaneously joins with the clerk in yelling, "Security!". Next scene 5 burly guys throw Tommy out the door and into the snow in the street. Then someone hurls his spoon after him. It hits him on the head and bounces off. Tommy says to the line waiting outside, "Tough returns policy!"
Hope you enjoyed the antics of Tommy. Let
me hear from you on this or any issue of Musea.
c. Tom Hendricks 2004
In a city that praises the hackneyed, derivative, and provincial; Musea adds another, little noted, worlds first:
World's First Box Office Concerts (every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Inwood Theater). Musea's end of Modern Art - conceptual art event, Dallas 1.8.02. World's First and Only Zine Hall of Fame. And new - Musea now guarantees a review for any musician, painter, writer, or artist of any kind. Contact us for policy and samples. Also join the Musea E-mail Club, or make use of the Musea Reading Fund, etc.
"Hey world, aren't you ready for something new yet?
Back to Main Page