The Princess and the Pea

(On this wet and dreary night, outside the manor house door, her hands tugging a thin wrap ever tighter around her tall slim body; stood a dark eyed girl with a forceful frown, muddy shoes that no longer shined, and long, straight black, hair dripping puddles all around her.

Prince: Who might you be, and why are you knocking at our door?

Stranger: I might be a fish for all the water around me! And I might be better off here - (and she pointed inside) than over there (and she pointed outside where suddenly the lighting cracked as if she caused it!)

I, a princess of a great king, seem to be lost and floundering in this strange and faraway place. (She watched for him to say something. He held his tongue, and she continued.) I welcome shelter to gather my wits, and put them back in order .... Your kindness now would be appreciated.

(She slightly turned up her straight thin lips, and the Prince glimpsed what might have been a bow of her head, though he was not sure. She looked exhausted and said no more. The Prince found his voice and acted.)

Prince: Yes come in. Do come in."

(The Princess wrung some water out of her cloak and entered. She followed him as he walked toward his mater and pater, the Queen and King. The Queen gasped at the site of the little girl, her hand covering her mouth! She clapped once, twice, and that brought her attendants and maids in waiting. Then she walked half way to the visitor. The servants took quick small steps, surrounded them both, and waited for commands from their Queen, while wringing their hands.)

Queen: Oh my, my!

KIng: My! My! Indeed! ( The King joined the group. The princess said nothing and kept on dripping. The maids looked to the Queen for directions.)

Q. Quickly my ladies, take care of ... Your name child? (Raising her head and more slowly her eyes she replied.)

S: They call me Princess Victoria, second daughter of the King of the Kingdom of the West County, Home of the Setting Sun.

Q. Are you hungry?

S. Yes I'm hungry.

(The Queen ordered food - hot porridge topped with salted braised meat and bread with butter and honey for dessert. She held back on giving her pieces of an orange! She also had her maids bring the princess a big warm blanket that they wrapped her in. The stranger took her eating seriously, and didn't stop chewing, did not look up, and didn't say anything to the watchers until the plate was clean. Then she smacked her lips with a smile.)

S: That was what I needed! (Her wine glass was drained, her plate was empty, and the platter next to it held only stains of food. She turned to the serving maid.) No! No! Not another bite. (Though none was offered.)

(After being told that their guest was done, the Queen approached. She surveyed the barren table and then asked)

Q: My dear what else can we do?

S: Oh Queen, what a day I have had. (Said the stranger as she smacked the table with a resounding exclamation point.)

S: With your indulgence, I will now go to bed, and rest my bones!

Q: (Clicking her fingers the Queen said,)Tend to her maids. Show her the way and make her COMFORTABLE. (This last word she emphasized!)

(The princess was ushered into a small but high chamber. The site she saw beyond the thick rounded top door, astounded her. It turned her mouth into a big "O" as her eyes began to raise.

Smack dab in the center of the room, and taking up most of it, was - from the wood floor on up - mattress after mattress, one after another, stack upon stack, of ticks puffed full of fresh straw, and wrapped in wool blankets, each dyed with a different color and pattern.

Her eyes kept going up and up until they stopped at the highest rung of the ladder leaning against the mattress stack. The Stranger looked to the chamber maid to see if she should react to this as being ... well ... normal!

The maid changed not her frozen lips, her cheeks did not redden, and her brows did not lift. She seemed not in the least to be cunning or conniving.

Sooooo ... the Stranger hitched up her dry sleeping gown and step by step - with one foot advancing and the other catching up - and the brass chamber pot that was hanging on a rope from the highest rail clanging with each step - climbed the ladder to the top where she vanished from view from those below!

The attending maids worried she was lost - perhaps she had fallen over the far side; but soon she peeked over the near edge of the top mattress and looked down.)

S: Goodnight all, and leave that one candle burning. (Which they did.)

(The next morning the three, The King, The Queen, and the Prince, were huddled in conspiracy! The Queen was telling the other two of her insidious, truth revealing, scheme of the night before.)

Q: We know a TRUE princess is one of unerring grace and sensitivity. She is one that notes one needle in the straw! One rotten apple in the barrel! One fly in the banquet hall. So, to test the meddle of our stranger who claims SHE is a princess - a possible candidate for our Prince (the Queen pointed to her son) - I tossed one shelled, green, hard, pea under the bottom mattress. Then the servants stacked all the other mattresses above it into a heap as tall as a mountain.

Mark my words conspirators, if she be a true princess of royal blood she will limp in here with sleepless red eyes, (she rubbed her eyes) tangled every which way hair, (she twirled a strand), and a patchwork of bruises from foot to forehead! (Her hands circled all around her body in great animation!)

(As the Queen finished confessing her plot filled whisperings, the bedroom chamber door opened and in stumbled a distraught stranger. She shuffled her feet step by step and came to a halt by the three, with her head low, her hands akimbo, and her legs rigid for maximum stand up-ness.)

Q. (The Queen stepped forward and took the lead.) Good morning! How did you sleep my dear?

S. (Slowly the stranger spoke.) I wish ... I could tell ... stories like the troubadours do. But alas ... my hosting Queen ..., King ..., and Prince, ... ... ... I slept not!

Though my eyes closed, it was just to blink.

Q, K, P, (in unison): What happened?

S. Pounding on my back was the greatest of thorns! Turning to my side it rattled my ribs! No posture or position was not attempted. Alas to no avail. Not a wink of sleep from the moment I climbed up (she raised both arms) to when I climbed back down!

(She lowered both arms till they fell lifeless by her side. )

P. (In an aside) Could she be the Princess I've so long searched for?

(When the stranger finished her report, three sets of watching eyebrows were raised. The King, Queen, and Prince, all staring at each other; began to contemplate the idea that this was truly a real princess come to their doorstep on a rainy night. All three, as if in unison, put their left palm under their chin and their right hand under their right elbow with fingers twiddling!

THEN - A footman with hands clasped, raced into the room and broke the reverie. Everyone turned to hear his news.)

Messenger: Your majesty, a grand carriage has arrived for the Princess.

(His eyes turned to the raggedy stranger. The three ran to the nearest window and crowded around the tall narrow opening to see the front courtyard.

There stood a coach and six, bedazzled with a phalanx of attending uniformed footmen.)

Q: (Turning back to the messenger.) Yes! Yes! Invite them in!" (She said as she shooed him to do it quickly.)

(A retinue of carriage attendants marched into the room in single file and in precise cadence. They lined up and snapped to attention. The first in line, with the tallest hat, stepped forward and bowed to the stranger.)

Footman: We await our Princess!

Stranger/Princess: Oh there you are. (She waved a light wave, approached, and conferred with the man. Then she turned to the trio staring.) My ride! (And as she was leaving she said over her shoulder) I thank you all so much. You couldn't have been more hospitable (aside) though bumpy!

(The three all talked at once.)

K: We enjoyed your visit.

Q: Please come again.

P: It was our pleasure.

(They walked behind her and watched as she was escorted with all pomp to the huge carriage where she was gently ensconced inside. The snug shiny golden door was snapped shut and the Princess leaned out her window and moved her lips to the words 'Bye Bye", and waved for one last time. Then she fell back against the cushions.

The King, Queen, and Prince in unison returned the wave and watched as the carriage pulled away.

Before the Princess could do anything but muster a half sigh, she fell into a deep sleep, and landed in the 'pillow world of 'Z's' as one of her maids called it. Her carriage, rumbling back and forth, rocked her to sleep; and the dust it's wheels threw up, settled back down behind her.

But our story is not over there. The prince was not made of stone. He blinked away the recurring stars in his eyes, got on a horse, and went off to woo the princess.

Later in their courtship, at some safe time when things were progressing well between them, and he felt she was returning his love; he explained the trick of the bumpy pea that they had played on her. She smiled and said,)

Princess: We do have to be careful in courtship ... as I was with you too!

(She muttered under her breath! But this Princess was ready to be wooed. After all she found this Prince handsome and refined; and in due time, she loved him right back as much or more than he loved her!

Both parents approved the match and they soon set the marriage ceremony. It was to be so grand that none in either kingdom would have ever seen the like!

The mother of the Princess made only one secret request to allow for the marriage to go forward. And this she made to her cook on the sly.)

Mother of the Princess: Put TWO shelled green peas in the batter of the wedding cake!

(The cook nodded and bowed in compete agreement to the request, but secretly shook his head in total confusion as to why! Though as it turned out, that secret vegetable ingredient seem to augure good luck.

AND the Prince and Princess lived happily ever after!

The end.

BEDTIME STORY

(This is a short short play with 3 characters: narrator, mother, and child.

As the story opens the child is in bed and waiting for a bedtime story.)

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Narrator: This is a story that my mother told me when I was a child. I loved to hear a good bedtime story before going to sleep. Here's how it went.

Mother: Tonight's story is one I heard from my grandfather when I was a little girl. It is about what he heard when he was a little boy. So it goes waaay back.

Child: How old was he, about my age?

Mother: Yes about your age.

Child: Where did he hear it from?

Mother: Probably from the other kids in the village where he lived. Everyone knew everything about everyone back then, because it was a weeee small village.

Child: Who is this story about?

Mother: It's about one of the people that lived in a cottage on the edge of the village where grandfather lived ...

Child: ... 'Where all the kids knew everyone cause it was so weeee small!'

Mother: Yes that's right! And every kid knew who was mean and shout-y all the time and who was friendly and baked cookies for the kids. Everyone loved to gossip about everyone else; about old people, about young people, about strangers, about ornery animals, about everyone.

Child: So who lived in the cottage on the edge of town?

Mother: The cottage? Let me tell you about that cottage first. And then I'll tell you who lived there; because it's where our story takes place. And it's very important to the story.

The cottage had brown wood sides that leaned a little too much, a yellow straw roof, and a tiny red chimney for the fireplace where grey smoke came out like bubbles! The cottage was on the edge of town where the only road in the village ended up!

Oh did I mention it was during winter?

Child: No.

Mother: Winter and there was snow everywhere. It was shivery cold (she raises the covers on the boy and tucks him in, to keep him warm) with big flakes falling all around. The fields were covered with it and they looked white during the day and blue at night under the stars.

Now, it's time to go back to the cottage. There was only the one road to it, and it ended at it's door step.

This road was not a big road that ran straight as an arrow through the entire country. And it was not a narrow curving path that zig zagged through the forests up the mountains. It was something in between, something that some people would travel on to get to their house. But there were not many. Not like the biggest road that ran through the entire country and ended up at the great Capital by the sea.

Oh now, that road was busy, busy, busy! Everyone had things to do in the capitol, with all it's cloud piercing towers full of sparkly high, shiny, glass windows, that glittered in the golden light of the setting sun; and all the big steam ships ringing their clanging horns as they came into the harbor. Toot! Toot! But our story is NOT about the hustle and bustle of that big crowded place ... with all of it's fine horse drawn, polished, coaches, rolling through the broad streets. And it's not about all the lit up shop windows full of spectacular things like jewelry, dresses, toys, and candy, that everyone wanted to stare at - which made their breath fog up the glass!

No, this story is NOT about the bustling capital - that's another story right there. This is about the little cottage at the end of the road in the town where grandfather lived as a child about your age...

This cottage had 3 windows and each one had a window box with 3 flowers in it. And all of the flowers were yellow except one that was pink. And there were 3 birds that flew only in the blue sky above the cottage. And there were two cats on the low stone wall built around the house. And one dog sitting on the front steps wagging his tail and hoping for visitors.

So, who lived there you ask ...

Narrator: But I didn't ask. By then I was fast asleep. So I really don't know what happened in mother's story; but it was fun traveling the winding road to get to it.

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Musea News

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Musea #205, the Bed Time Story, issue.

(c) 2019 Tom Hendricks

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Main website TomHendricks.US

cover art "I Love my Bird!"