Hunk's Resume

Hunk, Musea's resident musician, came to us and said he & Pet Dog wanted to expand to other gigs besides his weekly concert at the Inwood Theater. We said "We'll print your resume and see what happens."

Hunk said "Send it up the flagpole and see who salutes it... Throw it in the oven and see if it bakes... Send it into the bush and see who beats around it..." So, here it is.

HUNKASAURUS & HIS PET DOG GUITAR

Address: Musea Headquarters

• REFUSES TO SIGN WITH CORPORATE ROCK, the Big 6, Warners & the 5 foreigners. Announces the Corporate Rock Catch-22: If you've got talent, Corporate Rock won't sign you. If you sound like everyone else, Corporate Rock will sign you but the audience won't like you 'cause you sound like everyone else.

• ANNOUNCES ROCK 'N ROLL IS STILL OVER. It's become everything it started out opposing.

• MAKES THE "JOHN HENRY" CHALLENGE TO DALLAS RADIO: You play your best new corporate rock recording. Then I'll play live or one of my recordings, and we'll let your audience decide who's better: Corporate Rock, with all your millions in promotion or me, with my 33-year old, usually slightly out of tune Silvertone standard guitar. (All radio stations wimped out)

• PROUDLY ANNOUNCES THAT EVERYONE IN DALLAS IS BOYCOTTING HIM FOR HIS REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS including weekly magazines, monthly music magazines, newspapers, radio/TV, the works.

• REFUSES TO PLAY FORMAT MUSIC. That's a radio trick to target audiences for their advertisers. Instead plays rockabilly, classics, instrumentals, soul, lounge, country, love songs, blues, bossa nova, spirituals, disco and originals.

• PLAYS NEW PLACES (Not the same 3 clubs) Every Tuesday he does 2 shows free at the Inwood Theater, IN THE BOX OFFICE in his "Hunk Under Glass" tour. There's a great echo in there.

• WRITES LETTERS to Corporate Weasels like Warners & Wal-Mart.

• IS OFF THE "BAND" WAGON. Bands are the tool of Corporate Rock and have been for 30 long years. Musicians by any other name would wreck Corporate Rock.

• CANNOT FIND A HIT from 1980-Now. Challenges anyone to find a single hit single (cash reward) from 1980-1997 that fits these 3 conditions: 1. Was a mega-hit for the original artist; 2. Has been covered by 5 other musicians (great song); and 3. ranges over at least 3 formats(has scope and wide appeal)

• DOESN'T DO VIDEOS. Who needs MTV, whose Overlord is Viacom, who owns Paramount, Blockbuster, etc.?

• IS NEVER SPONSORED by The Dallas Morning News, Coca Cola or anyone else. I have my pride.

• PLAYS INSTRUMENTALS, SINGS A CAPPELLA, plays covers, originals, etc. Is more interested in good songs by great composers than getting royalties on sales of CDs full of bad originals that no one can stand longer than a week. His fast songs have a great beat without being crude and psychotic and his slow songs are melodic without being sappy and whining.

• ACTUALLY HAS SONG WRITING TALENT and writes originals with melody, beat and understandable good lyrics.

• CAN PLAY HIS GUITAR AND SING without studio tricks, vocal dubbing, and millions of dollars worth or equipment to disguise lack of talent.

• WILL PLAY FOR FREE. Either live on Tuesday nights each week or if you can't make it, send him a cassette (and $1 for return postage) and he'll record some songs for you or send one of his cassette-studio recordings (as long as they last)

CAN HE WORK NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS? Maybe

ANY OTHER THING WE SHOULD KNOW? Have guitar will travel.

[Musea note: The next time the Corporate Rock promo machine, or MTV or Rolling Stone or Spin announces the next alternative rebel innovative group, challenge them to show their resume and then compare it to the real thing - see above].

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